military aviation jokes

Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Waxing his plane A pilot got up bright and early, and told his wife he was going to wash and wax his plane. Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? The tenant shook her head. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. (Hang up. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. Rodrigues? Marine: Wait, stop. How tough? So I quit ordering it.. The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. We recommend our users to update the browser. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. They all originally set out to become Marines. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. 6, 2 to cheer, 2 to fire the weapon and 2 to take pictures! A Recruiter Misled You. A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. We were a tough group. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. 40. [Answered]. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. Rodrigues there? Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. A drill serGENTLEMEN! They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22. P | Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. Air Traffic Control 6. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. We are directly under the moon.. My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. 30. StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. The Best Short Military Jokes 1. March forth! A drill serGENTLEMEN! Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". I'm impressed! I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! ! Again, no reply. Even his son turned up. 1. What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. What are you doing? I asked. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. What did the Navy dentist put on his license plate? The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. Rodrigues there? An old Marine Sergeant was standing near the edge of the puddle with his fishing line in a puddle. My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". Meanwhile, the sergeant glared at the others. Why doesnt the Army team have ice on the sidelines during football games? Keeping it safe for democracy. Lori Shandle-Fox. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. What does ARMY mean to you? After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. 6. Reluctantly, he showed it to me. Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. 4. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. Military 3. A soldier and a marine were walking through the woods one day when they came upon a bear. A PETTY officer! Overheard on a flight into Regina, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight to control it. I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. She has a Bachelor of Arts in English from the University of Alabama in Huntsville. Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. Soldier: Sure, buddy. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. Please do not leave children or spouses, 14. One day you will walk out to your aircraft KNOWING that it is your last flight. And )second In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. S | Almost replaced left inside main tire. This is really good, he said. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. It Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. . Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. I was very nervous, she said. We were inspecting several lots of grenades. A LOOtenant! It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. 9. One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. Learn from the mistakes of others. All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. Did you make it all by yourself? Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. Attention! Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. Kassidy Barber is the Assistant Editor for VeteranLife.com and MyBaseGuide.com. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have, 16. At least SEVEN Cs! (Hang up. The good news: You got a bulls eye. Before my head could swell too much, he added, But it was in somebody elses target.. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. "The pilot was bothered by a noise in the engine," she replies. 3. Reply: No, I say again. Welcome aboard Flight 245 to Calgary. Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. 33. A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. [Answered]. Its where we park the helicopters.. But I had the last laugh. 10. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? On-time Departure Cabin doors closed 15 minutes before scheduled departure time Subsequent delays are irrelevant. Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. Do you want to hear about my plane?. Officer: Soldier. Bad altitude. As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. Thats Daddy. Did it work? One day, I was told As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. Marine Approved is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program. Why? I asked. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. Of course, he responded. I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. He says, Anyway, enough about me. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. In-dough-structible August 15, 2021. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance", To this, Warren replied, "Joy that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? Reliable sources report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. What did one panicking sailor say to the other? Me: No, I dont. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. This happened several times times throughout the flight. One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Aunt Mary is an F-16 pilot A fifth-grade teacher told her students "I'd like for one of you to tell the class a story with a moral", so little Suzy raised her hand. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? She also liked her scotch. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! He thought he would be home about 13:30. Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. He had the same plane as yours. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. He wanted to move out of the barracks as soon as possible. Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. Attention! My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service.

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